Booty Calls Final Fantasy
by CloudS1
Summary: Ok, obviously I went off the deep end when writing this fic. This is the result of watching the movie Booty Calls right after a Tenchi Muyo! episiode... For anybody that's read my previous stories, you'll find something VERY familiar in here! Please R


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BOOTY CALLS FINAL FANTASY

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Disclaimer: FF7 & FF8 belong to Squaresoft. Story is mine…MINE YOU HEAR ME?!?! Heh, this is the result of watching the movie "Booty Call" right after watching a Tenchi Muyo!™ episode. Being on a sugar high didn't exactly keep me sane either. Enjoy! My first long as hell fic!

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(Zack is in Gongoga, in his house playing Triple Triad with Squall. The board is almost filled up and needs 2 more cards.)

Squall: (_thinks: "Better put my beautiful card right....here!" and _puts the card with his face in it on the corner and turns over a card) Beat that Idiot!!

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Zack: Sure thing motherf**ker!! **(Puts Seifer's card on the another corner and turns over all the cards)** There! Pay up b***h!! 10,000 gil! NO CARDS!!!

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Squall: (_thinks_ "_Damn!!!"_ and gives Zack 10,000 gil)

Cloud: (runs in) Zack!! What the hell are you doing here?! Don't you remember your blind date?

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Zack: As long as she's human and breathing, I don't give a flying f**k. Let's leave this bozo here.

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Squall: **(goes to a corner and daydreams about Rinoa.)**

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(Cloud and Zack leave and drive to Midgar on the cheap@$$ buggy.)

Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: No.

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Zack: Are we there yet?

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Cloud: (snaps like a twig) G*****N IT!!! NO WE ARE NOT F**KING THERE YET!!!!! NOW SHUT THE F**K UP OR I'LL SHUT YOU UP!!!

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Zack: (sweatdrops) …

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Cloud: That's better...

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Zack: (starts humming "One Winged Angel")

Cloud: Grrrrrrr...

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(In Midgar, Tifa and the Zack's blind date get ready)

Tifa: Don't worry about it Aeris. You're fine just the way you are.

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Aeris: Yeah, but, remember the last time you set me up?

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Tifa: Don't remind me.

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Aeris: Well... you're the one who set me up with Sephiroth. That wuss still lives with his mom! Who'd think he had a small sword?!

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Tifa: His sword's six feet long!

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Aeris: I wasn't talking about _that_ sword…. Besides, he tried to have sex with me as soon as I walked through the door!

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Tifa: He was insane.

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Aeris: No duh. The b*****d tried to stab me. Besides, YOU were the one who slipped him a Mickey before we left.

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Tifa: Is it my fault I like to have fun?

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Aeris: Yep.

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Tifa: Shut up…

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Aeris: Okie-dokey-Pokey!

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Tifa: What the hell?!

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Aeris: …

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Tifa: You gotta stop watching those family movies, Aeris!

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Aeris: Up your nose with a rubber hose!

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Tifa: What did you say?!

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Aeris: …Er…nothing!

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Tifa: Shut up…

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(Cloud and Zack finally reach Midgar after Cloud knocked Zack senseless)

Cloud: Hey Zack! Wake up!!!

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Zack: (wakes up but sees imaginary chocobos spinning around his spiky head) Oooo...look at the pretty chocobos......nice chocobos.....I like fried chocobos...

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Cloud: Whores...

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Zack: (sobers up) WHORES!!! HUH?! WHERE?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?!

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Cloud: Shut up and follow me…

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(They go up 14 flights of stairs to Tifa's apartment on the 14th floor of Casa de Cookoo Hotel)

Cloud: (trying to catch his breath) * huff* *wheeze* Somehow…this seems…familiar… *cough *

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Zack: (Ditto) This…SUCKS!!! * cough*

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Cloud: Shut up and stay quiet Zack.

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Zack: Yeah sure. **(tries to get a breath mint from his pocket but ends up dropping them all on the floor)** DAMN! **(dives for them)**

Cloud: ... **(rings the doorbell)**

Tifa: (opens the door) Cloud! You made it! **(looks at Zack, who's on his knees eating breath mints)** Um...ewww...is um...THAT...Zack?

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Cloud: (sees Zack on the floor) ...Yeah...

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Zack: (with mouth full of breath mints while trying to look up Tifa's skirt) ...thi....*slurp*

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Tifa: (annoyed) Is he hitting on my legs?!

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Zack: (swallows all the mints) Ack! No I said hi!

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Tifa: (holds her nose) Damn! That's strong breath Zack has!!!

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Zack: You like? **(breathes on Tifa's face)**

Tifa: Screw you!! **(kicks him in the nuts)**

Zack: Owie!!!! **(keels over)**

Cloud: ...Damn Zack…that's shameful. And you're supposed to be the "big man"on the streets!

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Zack: Sh…ut…up…..*cough* uhhh….

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Cloud: So Tifa, where's Aeris?

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Tifa: I'll go get her. Be right back! **(goes inside)**

Zack: (is still in pain and pukes on Tifa's pet, who happens to be right outside)

Tifa's pet: (mauls Zack)

Zack: OWWWWW!!!

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Cloud: Red XIII!!! Down boy!!

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Red XIII: (is still mauling Zack)

Cloud: (takes a doggy treat out of his pocket) Here boy!!! **(throws it downstairs)**

Red XIII: (stops mauling Zack) Thank you very much. **(runs downstairs)**

Cloud: I'll never know how that mutt can talk.

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Zack: (battered and beat-up) Uggh….damn…that hurt like hell.

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Cloud: Heh heh heh….you suck Zack….

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Zack: I f**ked your sister…!!

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Cloud: I don't have a sister. Stop trying to act so freaking tough. Besides…NOT ONLY DID YOU PUKE ON TIFA'S PET, YOU ALSO PUKED ON MY DAMN SHOES!!!

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Zack: Oh…really? Yep….bull's eye!

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Cloud: Zack, remind me to hurt you…very badly…when tonight's over.

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Zack: Okie-dokey-Pokey!

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Cloud: What…the hell was that?!

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Zack: What was what?

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Cloud: Baka….

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Zack: Get off my back meat-sack!

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Cloud: That's it!! **(pushes him down the stairs.)**

Zack: (takes a nasty spill and busts a nut in the process) OWOWOOWWWwwooooowwwoooowww…… **(gets mauled by Red XIII, who is still downstairs)** OOOOUUUUUUCCHHH!!!!!! STOP DAMN IT!!!!!

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Cloud: …

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Zack: (walks up the stairs with a limp) You…suck…Cloudy……ugh…

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Cloud: I'm not the one that busted a ball here, Zackariah!

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Zack: Did you just call me Zackariah?!

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Cloud: Did you just call me Cloudy?!

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Zack & Cloud: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! GO TO HELL YOU RAT B*****D!!!!!!

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Zack: (passes out from the busted nut…a bit late I suppose…)

Cloud: So much for the "head cheese of the streets".

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Tifa: (comes back with Aeris) We're here! Oh….what happened to Zack? Where's Red XIII?

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Cloud: No comment.

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Tifa: I don't think I even want to know.

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Aeris: So where's my date?

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Tifa: On the floor.

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Aeris: Eww…his willy looks bent.

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Tifa: Don't even know why you're staring there so soon, Aeris.

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Aeris: I've got my reasons! Remember Seph?

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Tifa: Oh…

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Cloud: Anyway….Zack….DUDE WAKE UP, DAMN YOU!!!

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Zack: Wha……t….happened?

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Cloud: You cracked a nut and then you passed out….damn Zack! This is hurting your reputation, man!

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Zack: Shut up… **(sees Aeris)** WHOA!! Who's the beautiful b***h here?

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Cloud: You're blowing it Zack…

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Zack: Lemme work here! Anyway… **(doesn't get to finish since Aeris busts his other nut with a swift kick)** AAARRRRGGG!!!! **(passes out)**

Aeris: Baka….NO ONE calls me a b***h and gets away with it!

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Cloud: …

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Tifa: Calm down Aeris! You're scaring Cloud!

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Aeris: Who's Cloud?

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Tifa: The only REAL man here!!!.

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Aeris: In that case it's not Rip Van Willy down there?

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Tifa: …

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Aeris: I didn't think so. Say…your date's hot like my fire! **(whispers in Cloud's ear)** How about we switch dates. You'd have a better time with me… **(licks his ear)**

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: WTF?!?! O_o)

Cloud: …

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Tifa: Aeris!!!

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Aeris: (has those irresistible puppy dog eyes) What?

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Tifa: Stick with Sleeping Beast down there.

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Aeris: Eww…

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Cloud: Hey Zack!!! Wake up g*****n it!!

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Zack: (out cold)

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Cloud: Whores…

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Zack: (stands up straight with his tongue hanging out and drooling) WHERE THEY AT?!?! YEAH!!!!

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Aeris: (slaps the s**t out of him) You're with me!

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Zack: Oh…well…no one's perfect…

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Aeris: (takes out her Princess Guard and shoves it up his @$$)

Zack: YEEEEOOOOWWWWCH!! MY @$$!!! MY @$$!! MY F**KIN' @$$!! IT'S NOT SO TIGHT ANYMORE!!! G*****N HO!!!

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Aeris: (is very pissed off) …Ho?….Ho?!…HO?!?!?!?! I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR "HO"!!! **(casts Seal Evil on him) **

Zack: (silent and frozen in place)

Cloud: ???

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Tifa: Don't ask. It's an alien thing. 

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Cloud: !!!

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Vincent: (comes out from next door for laundry duty) Hi Tifa!

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Tifa: Hey Vince!

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Vincent: Yo, Aeris! I wanna play a little game with you later!

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Aeris: What kind of game?

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Vincent: "Gobble the Wiener".

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Aeris: What…?

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Vincent: Or we could play "Tongue-bathe the Willy Wonka".

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Aeris: (raises an eyebrow, not getting it)

Vincent: Nevermind...

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Aeris: Riiiiiiiight....

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Vincent: Yeah…see you later... **(goes downstairs to clean his underwear, only to be mauled by Red XIII) **ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

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Cloud: Who the…

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Tifa: You don't wanna know. 

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Aeris: He still owes me 1500 gil from last week---

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Tifa: **(cuts Aeris off) **Ix-nay on the oney-may, Aeris!

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Aeris: What? **(remembers Cloud)** Oh…

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Zack: (is starting to twitch) 

Cloud: Why don't we go now before the day's over…

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Tifa: Yeah! Let's go! **(she and Cloud go downstairs)**

Aeris: Well, Zack…you better be a good boy or you'll be sorry! **(drags Zack's sorry @$$ downstairs)**

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(Downstairs…)

Tifa: So Cloud, where are we gonna go?

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Cloud: I'd thought that maybe we could get some lunch at the Midgar Meteor, go play some pool, go dancing for a while, and maybe come back to your place for a little action.

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Tifa: (raises an eyebrow) What kind of action?

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Cloud: Nothing…let's just go and…hey where are Zack and Aeris?

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Tifa: I thought they were right behind us.

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Aeris: (coming downstairs while dragging a paralyzed Zack by his hair) We ARE right behind you!

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Tifa: Oh…

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Cloud: Is Zack ever gonna move?

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Aeris: Yeah, in about an hour…how about we do "something" while we wait…**(looks at Cloud seductively)**

Cloud: Uhh…

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Tifa: Aeris!!! You've got your own date!!!

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Aeris: Yeah, but Cloud's cuter.

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Tifa: That's true, but he's still mine!

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Aeris: When was the last time you two got freaky?!

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Tifa: …

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Aeris: That's what I thought! I would've given him a YEAR's worth of action in a NIGHT!!!

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Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Cloud: (is nervous as hell) Ladies…calm down… **(gets bitch slapped by Tifa and Aeris)** Ow… **(is knocked out)**

Tifa: (has palm marks on her cheeks) Oh…

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Aeris: (also has palm marks on her cheeks) Crud… **(goes over to Cloud to give him "CPR")**

Tifa: Get away from him! **(shoves her away and does the same thing to Cloud)**

Cloud: (wakes up) What…? 

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Tifa: I'm so sorry, Cloud!! **(puts on the irresistible puppy eyes)**

Aeris: Me too! Can you forgive us? **(ditto)**

Cloud: **(gets somewhat weak for some reason) **Crap…I can't say no to that!

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Aeris: THANK YOU!! **(bearhugs Cloud) **

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Who'd thought she had that much muscle?!?!?!)

Cloud: Can't…breathe… *cough *

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Tifa: Hey! Let go of him! HE'S MINE!!

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Aeris: Over my dead body!

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Tifa: That can be arranged…

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Aeris: You wouldn't kill your best friend would you?

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Tifa: I guess not…`

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Aeris: (let's go of Cloud) Too bad…I would!

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Cloud: STOP IT RIGHT NOW G*****N IT!!!!!!

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Tifa & Aeris: Sorry Cloud…

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Zack: (recovered a while ago and was watching the entire fight while eating popcorn) WOOHOO!!! THAT was fun!!! Hey Cloud! How come my date's fighting over you and not me?!?!

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Cloud: Because you suck!!!

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Zack: Oh…okay!

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Cloud: I think you made him dumber than ever Aeris.

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Aeris: Really? I can't tell.

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Zack: That's cold, lovergirl!

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Aeris: EWWWWW!!!!

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Red XIII: **(was chewing on a guy's leg until he noticed Zack)** I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!!! GRRR!! **(mauls Zack)**

Tifa: Down boy!

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Red XIII: (walks over to Tifa and sniffs up her skirt)

Tifa: PERVERTED MUTT! **(kicks him away)**

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Red XIII: (whines and starts to lick himself)

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Cloud: …

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Zack: (dazed) Anybody get the number of that truck?…. oy…. whoa! **(trips over his own feet and lands on Red XIII)**

Red XIII: GRRR!!! **(mauls Zack)**

Cloud: Let's just GO!

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(They go the Midgar Meteor, the most popular restaurant in Midgar)

Cloud: Hey let's sit over by the window.

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Tifa: Okay. Come on, Aeris!

Aeris: I'm going as fast as I can! **(dragging Zacks mauled body to the table) **Dumb@$$…

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Cloud: Aeris…take care of Zack for me will ya?

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Aeris: (has hearts in her eyes) Sure thing Cloud, but why don't I take care of you instead?

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Tifa: (puts her fighting gloves on) Aeris…

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Aeris: (acts innocent) What?

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Cloud: …

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Zack: (recovered) Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

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Tifa: What…did…

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Aeris: You…call…

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Tifa & Aeris: US?!?!?!?!?!

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Zack: (scared s**tless) Nothing…..!

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Cloud: …

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Zack: Hey Cloud, help me out here, will ya?

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Cloud: (doesn't answer because Aeris's trying to give him a lip lock)

Tifa: AERIS!!!!

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Cloud: MMMPF!!!!

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Aeris: (releases lock) Did you say something, love?

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Tifa: THAT'S IT!!!

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Cloud: …Oh s**t…

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Tifa: FINAL HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!

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(Midgar Meteor gets blown up while everybody's in the air. Cloud lands on his back, Aeris lands on top of him, face-first, Tifa lands on her stomach, Zack lands on top of Tifa, face-first)

Aeris: Oh…Cloud….

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Cloud: …

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Zack: Oh…YEAH!!!

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Tifa: GET THE F**K OFF ME PERVERT! **(pushes Zack away)**

Cloud: ZACK!!!

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Zack: What?

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Cloud: GET OFF OF HER!!

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Zack: F**k off! **(gets knocked out by Tifa's fist)**

Tifa: Damn! **(shoves Zack off)** AERIS!!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK 

YOU'RE DOING TOMY MAN?!?!?!?!?!

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Aeris: Nothing….yet… **(smiles seductively at Cloud)**

Cloud: … 'gulp' …

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Aeris: (gets pulled off of Cloud by Tifa)

Tifa: I TOLD YOU HE'S MINE!

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Cloud: (thinks, "Not this again**")** …

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Aeris: HE'S MINE!

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Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Cloud: LADIES!!!

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Tifa & Aeris: Sorry Cloud…

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Zack: (wakes up) What happened?

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Cloud: Nothing. Hey, let's get outta here…

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Tifa & Aeris: (with hearts in both of their eyes) All RIGHT!!!

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Zack: Whatever…

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Squall: (runs in) That's my line! 

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Zack: Hey, I remember you! You're the idiot I ripped off on a card game!

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Squall: Your mama! 

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(AUTHOR'S NOTE (again): Sorry… Anyway…aww to hell with it!!! Back to the story!)

Zack: Shut up! **(punches Squall)**

Squall: (dripping with sarcasm) Ow…. Mommy…somebody hit me…I'm done for…

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Cloud: Shut the HELL up!!! **(unsheathes his Buster Sword and makes sure that Squall never…EVER has children of his own)**

Squall: **(in a high pitched voice) **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **(runs like the baka he is)**

Rinoa: (runs in) Hey! You can't do that to my man!

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Quistis: (runs in enraged) YOUR MAN?!?!?!

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Rinoa: YEAH!!! MINE!!!

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Cloud: AWW, SHUT THE HELL UP!!! **(rips off Rinoa's dress to reveal a hairy-chested freak with boxers on)**

FF7 crew: (pukes on Rinoa)

FF8 fans: (puke on their computers)

Rinoa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My secret is revealed! 

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Cloud: KEEP IT A SECRET!!! **(chops her in half)**

Quistis: Finally…the SeeD…HAS COME BACK…to get Squall!!! **(runs away to "soothe Squall's wounds")**

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry, Rock!)

Zack, Tifa, & Aeris: WHY'D YA DO IT?!?!?!

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Cloud: Cause I could!!!!!!

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All: (laughs maniacally)

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(AUTHOR'S NOTE ((I'm SORRY!!!)): Sorry FF8 fans…I had to do this even though I AM an FF8 fan too)… *_laughs maniacally _* )

Zack: That was the s**t!

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Cloud: You said it!

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Zack: So what do you want to do now?

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Cloud: How 'bout we play some pool? 

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All: YEAH!!!

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(Everybody goes to Wall Market. A casino was built there with a pool hall as competition for the Gold Saucer [AS IF IT STANDS A CHANCE!!!]. )

Cloud: Ok…RACK'EM UP!!!

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Zack: Heh heh… you said "rack"…

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Cloud: Shut up…

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(10 minutes later, Cloud & Zack had lost 7 games.)

Zack: What's happening?!

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Cloud: We're getting our @$$es kicked…DAMN!

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Aeris: Aww…poor Cloud. Want me to make you feel better?

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Tifa: Don't start, Aeris…

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Aeris: Aww….

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Cloud: …

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Zack: I'm getting bored.

Aeris: You know, I could always send you away with this! **(puts a plastic card on the pool table)**

Zack: What the hell is that supposed to be, b***h?

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Aeris: (slaps the s**t out of Zack) It's a Cetra Platinum Card. I could buy and sell your sorry @$$ all the way to Wutai!

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Zack: (scared s**tless) ANYWHERE BUT THERE!!!!!!

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Aeris: What do you have to say, now?!

Zack: Well, lookee here! **(slaps a card on the pool table)**

Tifa: Zack, what's that?

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Aeris: It's a gold gas card.

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Cloud: Zack, why do have a gas card? You don't even have a car!

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Zack: You know that buggy you have?

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Cloud: Yeah…?

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Zack: Well, I put a copy of that buggy on layaway so I could drive my b***hes to Gongaga and have the greatest party of the century!!!

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Cloud: Zack…

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Zack: Huh?

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Cloud: I didn't buy the buggy, I got it as a gift.

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Zack: (eyes bug out since he's paying 120,000 gil for his buggy…and has only put in 300 gil on layaway)

Aeris: Still, why do you have a gas card now, anyway?

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Zack: Like I said, I can buy all the gas I want, and I get platinum privilages too! 'Cause, you know, if you buy enough gas, they give you a little mug to drink with…

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Cloud: … **(sweatdrops)**

Tifa: … **(sweatdrops)**

Aeris: … **(sweatdrops)**

Zack: WHAT?!

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Aeris: (looks over to see a guy [Rufus] smoking in the No Smoking section with the Turks where they're playing right now) Hey, I thought there wasn't any smoking here!

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Zack: Oh, I'll go tell him to put it out.

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Aeris: Don't!!! It's the president of Shinra Inc.!

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Zack: Then I'll tell him you said Hi too! **(goes over to Rufus's pool table)**

Aeris: …

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Zack: Yo! Could I have a word with your boss?

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Reno: (drunk off his @$$) WAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Rude: …

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Elena: Huh?

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Reno: (actually sobers up and smacks Elena upside her head) Stop acting so weak, Elena! **(drinks a shot of vodka and gets drunk off his @$$ again)**

Elena: OWW!

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Rude: …

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Tseng: …Morons… 'ahem!' **(to Zack)** If you want to talk to Rufus, it'll cost ya…

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Zack: Hmm…let's see… How 'bout this! **(to Reno)** For you, a bottle of vodka, **(to Rude)** for you, a voice box, **(to Elena)** for you, a mallet **(_whispers:_** Put it to good use**)**, finally for you, my dotted friend, **(quietly)** a sex change!!!

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Reno: Aaaahh…pleashe……more…vodka…pleashe…hold…the olivesh…

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Rude: **(REALLY wants to talk)** …!!!

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Elena: (hits Reno right on his drunken head making a loud hollow sound) That's for martinis, you drunken b*****d!!! **(_thinks,_** **"**Maybe I can get Tseng with this thing…**" )** Okay! **(smiles) **

Tseng: **(_thinks,_** "Goody!!! Maybe now I'll be able to hang with Palmer and Heidegger!!!**)** You got it. You may go through. **(_thinks, "_**Wait until my chubby-wubbies see me then!**")**

Zack: Cool!

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Elena: Wait…when will we get all these things?

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Zack: As soon as you all can get your feet closer to the ground! 

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Elena: Oh…come on, Turks!!!

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Turks: (are actually trying to get their feet closer to the ground, which looks so funny that Vincent would laugh his gothic @$$ off)

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This...is so pathetic...I can't believed I dubbed my own fic... but, I put sub-titles, which I think is useless in this fic...)

Zack: (walks up to Rufus)

Rufus: (mouth moves out of rhythm as if speaking English) 

__

What the f**k do you want?!?! **(smoking a big, fat, Cuban cigar)**

Zack: (mouth moves as if speaking Japanese)

__

If you don't put out that light, me and my friend aren't getting any @$$ tonight.

****

Rufus: (same as before)

__

No problem. WAX THAT @$$!!! **(puts out cigar)**

Zack: (same as before)

__

Cool! Thanks, dude! **(walks back toward the others)**

Aeris: (is disgusted)

Zack: Cool, huh?!

****

Aeris: (mouth moves out of rhythm, talking Japanese)

__

Nothing but BULLS**T!!! **(flips him off)**

Zack: (sweatdrops) …

****

Cloud: I didn't know you knew Japanese!

****

Zack: Wasn't like I could speak it to you!

****

Tifa: Where'd you learn?

****

Zack: Well, I bought a playstation, and the Japanese version of a game called 

Final Fantasy VII. 

****

Aeris: Why didn't you buy the English version?

****

Zack: Well, most of us don't got no platinum card. **(in deep, Japanese accent)** You know dere is some poor folk out in the world!!!

****

Cloud: So, what about the game?

****

Zack: Oh yeah…the weird thing is, WERE ALL THERE!!!

****

Cloud: Cool!

****

Zack: Aeris, you die in the game.

****

Aeris: (starts to cry)

Tifa: (beats up Zack for making Aeris cry)

Cloud: Zack, you @$$hole!!! **(being the softie he is, he gives Aeris a comforting hug.)**

Aeris: (hugs back) Oh Cloud, I knew you cared… **(gives Cloud the longest kiss ever made)**

Zack: **(_thinking,_** "That looks like something he would've done in Final Fantasy VII!!!"**)** Hey Tifa! Your man's slippin'!

****

Tifa: Huh?

****

Cloud: (_thinking,_ "_S**t!!! Tifa's gonna kill me!!!!!!!!"_**)**

Tifa: (stops beating Zack and notices Cloud & Aeris's lip lock) AERIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Aeris: (stops) Hey, he started it. I'm glad though… **(smiles and leans on Cloud's chest)**

Cloud: ...

****

Tifa: I don't believe you!

****

Aeris: I don't care! He's mine!!!

****

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Cloud: (_thinks,_ "_This is getting too cliché…"_**)**STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Tifa & Aeris: Sorry Cloud…

****

Cloud: Why don't we just go to your place, Tifa? It's already starting to get late.

****

Zack: Great idea! How about it?

****

Tifa: Ok.

****

Aeris: Sounds good. **(already scheming of ways to get Cloud to be with her)**

****

(Back in Tifa's apartment…)

Cloud: (lost a 13th game of poker with Zack as a teammate) Zack, why the hell are we losing tonight?! First we lose at pool, now we lose at poker!!!

****

Zack: Somebody's cheating! Something's going on here!!!

****

Cloud: (quietly) I wish "something" was going on!

****

Tifa: (laughs) Y'all just mad 'cause you're losing! **(frowns)** I heard that, Cloud!

****

Zack: Whoops! Caught ya slipping again!

****

Cloud: Shut up, Zack!

****

Aeris: I can make you feel better, you know… **(smiles seductively at Cloud)**

Tifa: Don't even think about it… 

****

Aeris: (gives her the finger)

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: GOD!!! That really came out bad… * sweatdrops* )

Tifa: Grr…

****

Cloud: …

****

Zack: I've had enough of this!!! Let's go hump with each other!

****

Tifa: (bitch slaps Zack)

Aeris: (looks at Cloud, smiles, and bitch slaps Zack)

Zack: (is knocked out)

Cloud: Thank you…

****

Tifa & Aeris: (stare at Cloud with hearts in their eyes) YOU'RE WELCOME!!! **(notice what they said)** Grr… **(stare at each other with electricity in their eyes)**

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Tifa: I've had enough of this!!! You want to step outside?!?!

****

Aeris: GLADLY!!! **(both walk towards the door)**

Tifa: Well?! **(opens the door)**

Aeris: After you!

****

Tifa: Hmph! Thanks… **(stomps out of the apartment)**

(AUTHOR'S NOTE [sorry for all of these notes] : Guess what happens...)

Aeris: (with quick speed, she grabs Zack, throws him out, and locks both Tifa and Zack out of the apartment) FINALLY!!! 

****

Cloud: …

****

Aeris: Oh Cloudy…. **(grins)**

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Aeris: Have you noticed that Tifa hasn't kissed you all night?

****

Cloud: Uh…

Aeris: Well…I'm nicer than she is… let me prove it to you…

****

Cloud: …

****

Aeris: Are you ready for this? **(takes off her jacket)**

Cloud: * _gulp_ *

****

Aeris: (unbuttons her dress)

Cloud: (stares at her chest) Oh…my…GOD!!!

****

Aeris: You like? These two are just the tip of the iceberg… **(winks)**

****

(Meanwhile…)

Tifa: (pounding on the door) LET ME IN YOU B***H!!!

****

Zack: (starts to twitch)

Tifa: (starts to hear voices from the apartment)

Voice 1: Oh…my…GOD!!!

****

Tifa: (looks for her key and realizes she left it in the apartment) Grrrr…..

****

Voice 2: You like? These two are just the tip of the iceberg… 

****

Tifa: That little tramp… When I get my hands on her I'll….I'll….I'll kill her myself!!!

****

(Back in the apartment)

Cloud: (on the verge of fainting with a nosebleed)

Aeris: (half naked and leaning over Cloud's body with a tissue) Let me clean that up for you… **(winks)**

Cloud: I…oh…b…b…b…e…

****

Aeris: Bed? **(eyes light up)** Why didn't you say so in the first place? 

****

Cloud: What…bed?! But I didn't..!

****

Aeris: I knew you would choose me over Tifa! Come on, lover!

****

Cloud: WHAT?!?!?!

****

Aeris: YES!!! Let's consummate our relationship! **(drags Cloud by his arms into Tifa's bedroom and starts stripping Cloud and herself of any other clothing)**

Cloud: (naked and shaking) Brrrr……I feel a draft…

****

Aeris: (in bed) Don't worry…climb into bed and I'll warm you up… 

****

(In the hall…)

Tifa: (hears more voices)

Voice 1: Brrrr……I feel a draft…

****

Voice 2: Don't worry…climb into bed and I'll warm you up… 

****

Tifa: Why that mop-sucking, whore-bag!!! I'll kill her!!!

****

Zack: (is twitching)

****

(Back in the apartment)

Aeris: (gives Cloud the "Come Hither" look)

Cloud: Can't we get to know each other better first…? **(sweatdrops)**

Aeris: Why are you sweating? We haven't even gotten started yet!

****

Cloud: Oh..boy… **(faints)**

Aeris: DAMN!!! **(sees him on the floor)** Looks like I'll just have to…

****

(In the hall…)

Tifa: (starts hearing various noises and unmentionable sounds coming from the apartment) THAT'S IT!!! **(tackles the apartment door down to see a naked Aeris standing over Cloud who's also naked)** WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

****

Aeris: (looks at an unconscious Cloud and smiles) There… that felt good… **(barely notices Tifa in the doorway shaking in anger)** Oh… hi Tifa… good to see you… still breathing… **(looks disgusted)**

Tifa: What the hell did you do to my man?!?!

****

Aeris: I gave him the time of his life!!! **(grins)**

Cloud: (starts to wake up) Uh…I had the strangest dream…

****

Tifa: (standing over Cloud furiously) What the hell was you motherf**king dream about?!

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops) I dreamt that I was raped by a pink Barbie™ doll... ugh....

****

Tifa: AHA!!! **(stares at Aeris accusingly)**

Aeris: (tries to act innocent)

Cloud: (notices his state of dress) AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

****

(A banging is heard from upstairs)

Male Voice: HEY,_)(^_)+(*&%&^$#&)(*&^%%^$^&%)^*%^&(JGD(^&%)&Y_()&(^^$%^$(^*)&^%(^%)&^)(*&^%*%^)(^)(*^*&)^%)(^(*^_(*^%)*^%^_(*^()%)*%)*&^%(^&^&!$*%^ERSY*^)*^%)KEEP YOUR )*&%*(^&*%^|+_^$^(VOICES DOWN YOU %)*&^$__&*$)(^^)(%$(*^^_(*$%(*^_(^&_)&$#_*^_(*^&&SONS OF)*(^$)*&^)(*%$_(_@$(*&_^_(@$^_+*&+)&$+)^&( PIECES OF )*&^%)*$_*_&*$^_(*&_(*^&_(*^$_(%_(*%$(COWS!!!!!

****

Cloud: Who the hell was that?!

****

Tifa: (still pissed) That's our g*****n landlord, Cid Highwind.

****

Cloud: ...

****

Aeris: Wow…

****

Tifa: I haven't forgotten about you, you slut!

****

(A banging is heard from downstairs)

Female Voice: IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP, I'LL CALL MY FATHER, LORD GODO ON YOU!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!?! I'M YUFFIE KISS-A-FROGGIE!!! **(whispers are heard from downstairs)** SCRATCH THAT!!! I'M YUFFIE KISARAGI!!!

****

Aeris: Kiss-a-froggie was much better… **(giggles)**

Tifa: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

****

Cloud: …

****

Tifa: Not you…

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Aeris: Let's settle this here and now!!!

****

Tifa: Yeah!!!

****

Cloud: Ladies…I don't…think… **(his head his head is pushed down by both ladies)**

Aeris & Tifa: STAY OUT OF THIS!!! We'll decide who you like!!!

****

Cloud: …

****

Tifa: Let's flip for it!

****

Aeris: Winner gets Cloud!

****

Tifa: Do you have a coin?

****

Aeris: Nope. Do you?

****

Tifa: Uh-uh. **(looks at a naked Cloud)** Do you have a coin?

****

Cloud: Let me get dressed first then I'll lend you a coin… **(sweatdrops)**

Aeris & Tifa: Okay… **(disappointed 'cause they like Cloud better naked)**

****

(5 minutes later)

Cloud: Better!!! **(looks at a naked Aeris)** Aeris…could you also get dressed? **(on the verge of getting another nosebleed)**

Aeris: But don't you want me to be ready for you when I win? **(throws her arms around Cloud)**

Tifa: HANDS OFF, AERIS!!!

****

Aeris: Hmmph!!!

****

Cloud: Okay… **(_thinks,_** "I can't believe I'm actually gonna go through with this…"**) **Here's my last coin. Call it in the air. **(flips the coin and sweatdrops)**

Aeris: Heads!!! **(giggles for some odd reason)**

Tifa: Tails!!!

****

(The coin lands on its side, bounces on Tifa's table, and bounces out the window. After a few seconds, a shout for joy is heard.)

Voice: Yay! My luck is finally changing!!!

****

Aeris: (looks out the window to see a cat on a moogle) What the…

****

Tifa: (does the same) CAIT SITH!!! GIVE US BACK THE COIN YOU FILTHY FELINE!!!

****

Cait Sith: (shouts in megaphone) NO!!! IT'S MINE!!! **(looks at a naked Aeris) **NICE BOOBS LADY!!! **(walks away)**

Cloud: Could you please get dressed Aeris?

****

Aeris: Well, since you asked so nicely… I will! **(walks up to Cloud and brings her face inches away from his)** But don't worry…you'll see me this way _very soon_… **(smiles seductively)** I guarantee it… **(picks up her clothes, goes to another room, makes pleasurable sounds while getting dressed, and comes back out)**

Cloud: Thank you VERY much...

****

Aeris: I guess there's only one thing to do!

****

Tifa: (furious) WHAT?!?!

****

Aeris: Karaoke!!! 

****

Tifa: Perfect!!!

****

Aeris: What do we sing?

****

Tifa: I dunno...

****

Aeris: Let Cloud decide.

****

Cloud: (under the stares both ladies)

****

(Meanwhile…)

Zack: (is starting to crawl towards the door) What the hell happened…? **(notices the door open)** I've gotta go in and see what I've missed! **(stands up and walks inside very slowly)**

****

(Back in the apartment…)

Cloud: (sweatdrops) How about an Eminem song?

****

Aeris: Eminem? **(groans) **Do we have to?

****

Tifa: Why?

****

Cloud: 'Cause I'm the Real Slim Shady™!!!

****

Aeris & Tifa: **(roll their eyes) **Fine…

****

(Karaoke machine starts playing Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady™" )

Tifa: _May I have your attention please?_

****

Aeris:_ May I have your attention please?_

****

Tifa: _Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?_

****

Aeris: _I repeat: Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?_

****

Aeris & Tifa: _We're gonna have a problem here…_

****

Tifa: _Y'all act like you've never seen a fine bar maid before,_

Jaws all on the floor like me and Cloudy just burst through the door,

I started whoopin Aeris's @$$ worse than before,

We'll never get divorced about somethin' over furniture.

****

Cloud: AHHHH!!!!

****

Aeris: _It's the return of the---_

"Oh wait, no, wait, you're kidding…

She didn't just say what I think she did, did she?"

And my friend, Tifa said….

Nothing, lover-boy! She'll be dead soon and locked in my basement!

****

Tifa: _Every other woman loves Cloudy-boy,_

"Chigga, chigga, chigga, Cloud Strife,

I wanna hump with him, LOOK AT HIM ^_^

Walking around talking about you-know-what,

Staring at you-know-who!"

****

Aeris:_ "Yeah, but he's so cute though…" 'sigh'_

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Tifa: _Yeah, he's probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose,_

But no worse that what's goin' on in everybody's bedroom

****

Everybody in the city: (sweatdrops)

Tifa: _Sometimes I wanna just get in his bed and let loose,_

But can't, but it's cool for Aeris to be hanging from a long noose! 

****

Aeris: _My staff is up her @$$!_

My staff is up her @$$!

And if she's lucky, I'll probably pour her blood in a glass!

And that's the message that we give to my lover-boy

And if Cloud and I try now, we'll both be screaming for joy!

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Tifa: _Of course, the whole world'll know about her work,_

By the time the guys find out, Aeris will be givin' them free jerks!

We ain't nothin but mammals…

Of course, that's a different story when me and Cloud

Screw in bed like animals… ^_^

****

Aeris: _But if they can go like different kinds of animals,_

Then there's no reason why Cloud and me can't elope.

****

Tifa: Grr…

****

Aeris: _But if he feels I got, feels I got the antidote,_

I'll take off my pantyhose, and sing my chorus,

AND IT GOES!!!

****

Tifa: _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Aeris: _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Tifa: _Sephy doesn't gotta cuss in his speech to win woman,_

Well, nobody cares, so f**k him, and f**k the world too!

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Tifa: _Ya think I give a damn about my friend, Aeris?_

Half of the fans can't even stomach her,

Let alone love her.

****

Cloud: **(raises an eyebrow)**

Aeris: _But Cloud, we won't be loud during our love making, right?_

No, we'll do it the hard way tonight: with all of our might! ^_^

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops)

Aeris: _Don't go with that slut over there because she's so rude!!!!_

We can screw under the covers in the nude… (smiles seductively) 

****

Tifa: _Why? So I can watch you guys have sex and curl up in fear?_

I won't let that slut get you drunk with her beer!

Little b***h…trying to steal my only man…

I don't think so!!! I'm gonna foil your dirty plan!!!

****

Aeris: _I used to hear rumors in the street that Tifa was a hooker._

People used to say that she was quite the good looker!

I'd never lie to you! You know it's true!

If you think it's a lie, then go talk to one of her clients named Lou!!!

****

Tifa: _There's a million of woman that want to be with you,_

cuss with you, 

just don't give a f**k like you, 

dress right for you,

walk, talk, and have sex with you. 

It'll be tough, but in the end, you know I'll be with you!

****

Aeris: _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Tifa: _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every otherf**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Aeris: _He's like a headtrip to listen to,_

'cause he's only givin me things 

Tifa jokes about with her friends inside her living room.

The only difference is that he has the balls to say in front of y'all,

He doesn't have to be false, or sugar-coat it at all!

****

Tifa: _He just lies in the bed and spits it,_

And whether you like to admit it,

He can s**t it better than 90 percent of all of my fans out there!

Then you wonder how can kids eat up our games like values!

****

Aeris: _It's funny, 'cause at the rate we're goin when we're 30,_

Cloud and me'll be the only ones in the Nursing Home f**king.

He'll be pinching my @$$ while he's jacking off and jerkin, 

But with me around, he won't need a bag of viagra to keep workin'!.

****

Cloud: (sweatdrops) …

****

Tifa: _Every other woman will be one of Cloud's ladies lurkin,_

She could be workin' at Meteor King, 

Super Sizing his Meteor Rings,

Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming,

"I don't give a f**k whether Cloud Strife's taken or not!!!

****

Yuffie: (overheard the entire thing, busts through the floor, and decides to take a chance after a single glance at Cloud)

__

So will his real lady please stand up,

And put either one or both hands up,

And be proud for taking a chance and be out of control,

ONE MORE TIME, AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, HOW DOES IT GO?!?!?

****

Aeris: (very pissed) _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady are just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Tifa: (very pissed) _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Yuffie: (very proud) _I'm Cloud's lady_

Yes, I'm his real lady

Every other f**king lady is just imitating,

So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Cloud: (very politely)_You're all my ladies,_

Yes, You're all my real ladies,

Every other f**king lady is just imitating

So won't all of you real ladies PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP,

PLEASE STAND UP!!!

****

Aeris: _Boo hoo….. I guess Cloud's ladies are everywhere…_

****

Tifa: _F**k it!!!_

****

Yuffie: _Let's all stand up! _**(smiles)**

(Song ends)

Zack: (was watching the entire act and was staring at Yuffie ever since she popped up) THAT…WAS THE S**T!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS COOL!!!

****

Aeris: What the…

****

Tifa: Hell is…

****

Aeris & Tifa: YUFFIE DOING HERE?!?!?!?! 

****

Yuffie: You people wouldn't shut up so I came to fix the problem!!! 

****

Zack: (walks up to Yuffie) Hey, I see you have black hair. I have black hair too. 

****

Yuffie: Go to hell!!! **(kicks him in the nuts)**

Zack: (in a very high voice) Not again!!! **(falls down in pain)**

Yuffie: Anyway… I can see what all the noise is for… This dude is so CUTE!!! **(has hearts in her eyes)** Cloud Strife, right?

****

Cloud: …Yeah…

****

Yuffie: (jumps into Cloud's arms) TAKE ME!!! I'M YOURS!!!

****

Cloud: WHAT?!?!?!

****

Aeris & Tifa: YUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Cloud: …

****

Yuffie: What?

****

Aeris & Tifa: GET OFF OF MY MAN NOW!!! **(notice that they said)** YOUR MAN?! HE'S MINE!!!! NO, HE'S MINE!!!!!! MINE!!!!!! MINE!!!!!! MIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Cloud: **(_thinks,_** "Oh brother…" **)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Tifa: HO! **(bitch slaps Aeris)**

Aeris: HO! **(bitch slaps Tifa)**

Yuffie: Cloud, how about I do you a favor and become your girlfriend?

****

Cloud: Sorry Yuffie, I've got somebody already.

****

Yuffie: Please??? **(puts on the irresistible puppy eyes)**

Cloud: …

****

Yuffie: Pretty please??????? **(brings puppy eyes to full blast)**

Cloud: **(_thinks,_** "Damn!!! It's hard to resist those puppy dog eyes…"**)** I…can't… I've got somebody already!

****

Tifa: **(_thinks,_** "I knew he wouldn't leave me…**)**

Aeris: **(_thinks,_** "I knew would he would come around and choose me over Tifa!" **)**

Yuffie: **(gets away from him and starts to cry)** FINE!!!!!! 'sniff' KEEP YOUR LOUSY OLD GIRLFRIND!!!! SEE IF I CARE!!!!! 'sniff' YOU BROKE MY HEART AND I'LL MAKE YOU PAY!!!!! **(grabs her shuriken and stabs Cloud in the leg…HARD)**

Cloud: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Yuffie: GOODBYE FOREVER, CLOUD STRIFE!!! I LOVED YOU!!! **(runs of crying and stomps on Zack's nuts in the process)**

Zack: (in a very high voice) AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Tifa: That Yuffie…she's seen one too many TV shows…

****

Aeris: Cloud! Are you all right?!

****

Cloud: (in pain) DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ALL RIGHT?! THAT MOTHERF**KING B***H!!! HOW COULD SHE STAB ME LIKE THAT?!?!?!

****

Tifa: Don't worry Cloud! We'll get you to a hospital!

****

Aeris: Zack!!! Get up and Help us take Cloud to his buggy!

****

Zack: Gimme a few minutes to recover you b***h!

****

Aeris: THAT'S IT!!! **(runs over to Zack and jumps on his nuts so many times that it would but Super Mario™ to shame)**

Zack: …

****

Tifa: Zack?

****

Zack: …

****

Tifa: Great job, Aeris! Now who's gonna drive us to the hospital?!

****

Aeris: I'll drive! Is that okay Cloud?

****

Cloud: (in a lot of pain) I DON'T CARE DRIVES, JUST GET ME TO A &$)%)*^%$()(&%$(*&t+)u&+)(*^=07\&&$e*&|_+&&%&&_+|08)&(*^%_)^&)|_\%)(*&+)(*%$&*%(|+_)&(|%^*&%$*^%(^&!^%#(*^y)+*_+*hf_(^)uhig*o&ytuigoiyt)*&y)*^)(^(^_(()&\dy(*^)g___)&_)&&)&)(&+)&+(*()&(^*&%^$^%*#(^_)&%$*%)*&%)*&%(*%*&%#$)&()*^HOSPITAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

Tifa: Wow… Cloud pulled a Cid!

****

Aeris: Fine!!! I'm driving! Bring Zack, and I'll get Cloud into the buggy!

****

Tifa: Ohh….no….I'm not falling for THAT again!!!

****

Aeris: We don't have TIME for this now! Cloud needs medical attention!

****

Cloud: And Zack needs to be neutered!!! AAAAAARRRGH!!!!! **(holds his leg)**

Tifa: FINE!!! **(drags Zack by the leg while Aeris carries Cloud like a baby)**

Cloud: Aeris?

****

Aeris: **(_whisper,_**: "Yes, lover?" **)**

Cloud: (_thinks, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that…" _**)** How the hell did you get so strong?!

****

Aeris: Looking very hard for a boyfriend has its benefits!……………oops….

****

Cloud: …

****

Tifa: Aeris!!! Hurry up!!! It's 14 flights to get downstairs!!!

****

Aeris: We're coming!!! 

****

(They all run downstairs and try to figure out a way to get Cloud to a freaking hospital)

AUTHORS FINAL NOTES […for now…mwahaha…ahem!] : WELL!!! This has got to be my LONGEST fic ever! However, I was caffeine and sugar fueled when I wrote this, so go ahead and flame away!!! Or, send your comments to Cloud_S_@excite.com, whichever you prefer. THIS ISN'T THE END!!! "OH NO!!! THE MANIAC PLANS TO WRITE MORE!!!" Heh, you're damn right I plan to write more….MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
